There are times when I’m really good at telling myself I’m a big ‘ole failure after even the smallest hiccup. Once that’s happened, it’s party time for the ‘failure posse’.
My imagined failures aren’t about having a little slip-up like spilling your coffee or forgetting to post a letter. I expect most of us get through these everyday events quickly and just get on with life. Not me!!!! Sometimes I’ll move from a minor slip-up to “I’m a complete failure” in 3 seconds flat. Take the other day for instance, I went to the cash point but realised I’d left my card at home. In a fit of frustration, I began berating myself for not checking sooner, wasting time, being forgettable. Then all my uninvited perfectionist gremlins came calling with their negative chatter “you’re just not good enough”, “messed up again”, “loser!”.
In these moments, I often re-run old stories in my head about times in the past when I’ve forgotten or misplaced something. Before you know it, the ‘failure posse’ is having a party in MY head, at MY expense and dancing to the tune of MY perceived faux pas, foul-ups and failures.
The good thing in all this is that I’m getting better at shutting down the failure party going on in my head; I thank these uninvited guests for coming and gently wave them goodbye.
I’ve learnt that allowing these ‘guests’ so much of my head space leaves no room for self-forgiving, self-loving thoughts, talk and behaviours. These ‘good folks’ are not guests they are at the core of our being which is the soul. Sadly, these folks often don’t get into our ‘inner self’ party; instead they get squeezed out or at least silenced by our past negative or critical programming from parents, teachers or other early care-givers. As adults we also get sucked into the external messages from social media, magazines, billboards that tell us to ‘look beautiful, have it now, be the best to be on top’. The hidden message in many advertising slogans is ‘If you’re not perfect, you’re a failure’.
You may be reading this and thinking, well I have to follow the experts’ advice or I’ll mess up and fail. If that’s what you’re thinking, I understand but I don’t believe we have to accept society’s standards of failure (or success for that matter). When you do what you think you should do rather than what you really want to do you find yourself making unhealthy compromises; for instance, you say yes when you mean no then end up feeling unhappy and like a failure for ‘giving in’.
I believe when this happens it isn’t a sign that you have failed. Instead your compromising behaviour is a sign that you have become detached from your inner intelligence (intuition, soul). This intelligence is a natural instinct within each of us and when you learn to follow its guidance you become reconnected with your innate wisdom, learn to trust your own life choices and attract the health, wellbeing and happiness you need to grow and flourish.
When you recognise and connect with your inner guidance system, you create your own standards for all aspects of life – failure, success, happiness, health, relationships and so on. You learn to speak and live your truth. You also learn to enjoy life – even the smallest hiccups.